


Country Roads, Take Me Home

by writeallnight



Series: Densi Summer Vacation [1]
Category: NCIS: Los Angeles
Genre: F/M, Roadtrip, Shenanigans, little bit of whump, national parks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-25
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 12,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26095282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeallnight/pseuds/writeallnight
Summary: It's summer, which means Kensi and Deeks are once again off on the summer vacation adventure of a lifetime. This year they've got the perfect plan and nothing can stop them. Well...almost nothing. The fourth installment of the Densi Summer Vacation Series!
Relationships: Kensi Blye/Marty Deeks
Series: Densi Summer Vacation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1894642
Comments: 2
Kudos: 8





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> It is SUMMER! This story takes place in a universe where Covid-19 doesn't exist because I just couldn't write a bummer story like that. Huge shouts out to @mashmaiden who gave me the idea for this fic. Off they go!

“So, where you two headed on vacation?” Sam asked, accepting another beer from Kensi who was behind the bar.

“Nowhere,” she said, wiping down a wet spot on the counter. “We’re just staying home.”

“For two weeks?” Callen asked in surprise. “No way.”

Kensi paused her cleaning. “What do you mean ‘no way’?”

“The two of you can’t even last two minutes at work without something to do? What are you going to do at home for two weeks?” Sam scoffed.

“I don’t know,” Kensi said, raising her eyebrows in annoyance. “It’s a staycation, we can do whatever we want.”

“Like drive each other crazy,” Sam said while Callen snickered.

“We can go to the beach,” Kensi protested. “And take Monty for walks.”

“That’s it? The beach and walks?” Callen said.

“You’re just jealous because you don’t know how to take a vacation,” Kensi said with a glare.

“Neither do you,” Sam said. “Or have you forgotten how the last, what is it now, three, vacations have gone for you?”

“Which is why we are staying home this year.” Kensi glared at both of them. “So stop making fun of us or I’ll send Deeks over for a playdate with your boat.”

“Speaking of which, where is Deeks?” Callen asked, looking around for their absent teammate. “Can’t really go on vacation without him.” He thought for a second. “Actually maybe that would be better.”

Kensi frowned and checked her watch. “He said he had to run an errand but that was like three hours ago.”

She reached for her phone. Deeks left unsupervised could cause as much trouble as a toddler. “Deeks? Where are you?”

“Just got back,” he said. “Can you come outside for a second?”

She knew that voice. Oh god she knew that voice. That was Deeks’, “ _I did something that I think will be a fun surprise but you potentially might hate_ ” voice. She gripped her phone tightly and closed her eyes. “Deeks, what did you do?”

“Just come outside!”

She hung up and looked at Sam and Callen. “He says he’s outside.”

The three of them wandered out the front door to the street. “Where?” Callen asked.

Kensi looked up and down the sidewalk, her nerves increasing when she didn’t spot her husband. She was reaching for her phone to call him again when all three of them were startled by the blast of an obnoxiously loud horn. “What the hell?” Sam asked, looking down the street as a massive RV barreled toward them. “Somebody win the Price is Right?”

“Oh no,” Kensi breathed.

Callen looked from Kensi to the RV that was pulling up in front of them. “Oh…he wouldn’t. Would he?”

The RV came to a stop and the door opened to reveal a grinning, elated Marty Deeks.

“Deeks. Baby. What is this?” Kensi asked faintly.

“It’s an RV!” He looked like a kid in a candy store.

“I thought we talked about making large purchases without discussing it first after the whole bar incident,” she said, trying very hard not to unleash on him.

“I didn’t buy it,” he said quickly. “It’s a rental. And I got a really good deal. But totally refundable. I just thought maybe once you saw it…”

“That I would want to move to a trailer park?” Kensi asked.

“No! No,” Deeks shook his head. “You said that you would like to see all the National Parks in an RV. And since we have PTO and we have to take the days I thought this might be the time.”

“I thought you two were staying home this year to avert any more vacation disasters,” Sam said with a frown.

“Aha, see that’s the beauty of it. No hotel. No cruise ship. No plane flight. Our RV home is our own home. We’ve taken all danger and disaster out of the vacation and put the control completely in our own hands.”

“I wouldn’t say that too loudly,” Sam said, unconvinced.

“Hey Deeks.” Callen had gone inside to explore and now poked his head out a window. “This thing have wifi?”

“Yep! And surround sound. All the bells and whistles.”

“Don’t get any ideas G,” Sam called. “You already live in a bar apartment, you don’t need to take your life mobile.”

“It’s just a thought,” Callen said with a shrug before disappearing once more.

“Deeks I—“ Kensi didn’t quite know what to say.

He stepped toward her, eyes serious. “Kens listen, we don’t have to do this. If it’s too much, or not what you want, we can stay home, no harm no foul. I just thought it might be fun. Obviously we can’t do all the national parks in two weeks, but we could hit a few.”

She looked into his eyes, so earnest and eager. He truly had put this together out of the goodness of his heart, not some kind of whim like the bar. And it was a trip they’d talked about quite a bit. Besides, like he’d said, everything would be under their own control. It would be perfectly safe. “Okay.”

“Yeah?” His eyes lit with excitement.

“Yes, let’s go RV’ing and see the National Parks.”

“Awesome! Yes. Okay. So we need to pack and get snacks and drop Monty at my mom’s and we can leave in the morning.”

“Oh, wow, oh yeah okay.”

She had to admit, when Deeks brought her inside the RV it was pretty cool. It was certainly roomy enough for the two of them, the bed was gigantic and it even had a decent sized shower. It would be fun to road trip together and see a little bit of the country they helped keep safe every day.

They encountered their first problem almost immediately: Deeks hadn’t thought about where to park the RV overnight. “I’ll just put it in the driveway,” Deeks told her as they prepared to leave the bar.

“Babe, it’s not going to fit in the driveway.”

“We have a big driveway.”

“Not big enough to fit an RV the size of a dinosaur.”

“It’ll fit,” he said confidently.

It did not fit. “What if I turn it this way?” Deeks yelled out the window and made a wild spinning motion with his hand.

“I don’t think so—“

“I’m going to try it!” he yelled, cranking the wheel and backing up about four inches. “Am I going to hit the planters?”

Kensi looked to where the flowers she’d laboriously tended all spring in an effort to prove she was not a plant killer were in clear danger of being run over. “Uh, yeah! Don’t back up anymore!”

“Crap! Okay I’m going to pull forward and then try and go the other way!”

“If you go the other way you’re going to hit the mailbox!”

Deeks swore loudly, catching the attention of Mrs. Bradford who was walking her dog nearby. Kensi gave her a wave and a forced smile. “Sorry Mrs. Bradford!”

The woman shot her a disapproving glare. “Deeks, maybe we should just take it back to the bar,” Kensi said with a sigh.

“We can’t leave this baby at the bar!” Deeks said. “Somebody might take her!”

“Her?”

“It!”

“Right. Well I really don’t think it’s going to fit.”

“Kensi, I’m telling you, it’ll fit.”

“Okay. Fine. Make it fit.”

Forty-five minutes later Deeks climbed out and surveyed his handiwork. “See? Fits like a glove.”

The RV was diagonal across the driveway, the front wheels gouged into the earth by the garage, the back end hanging off the curb and dangling into the street. Kensi had moved the planters and she wasn’t sure the mailbox would ever recover. “Yep, it fits,” she said.

“Hey.” Deeks reached for her hand. “This is going to be a fun adventure. You trust me right?”

“With my life? Yes. With driving this thing across the country?” She raised her eyebrows. “Jury’s still out.”

“Just think about it this way, everywhere else we drive will be built for RV’s. If I can park it here, I can park it anywhere.”

“I guess we’ll find out.”

“Do you not want to go?” Deeks asked. “Because we really don’t have to. I can take this thing back tomorrow and we can spend two weeks sitting around here drinking piña coladas and watching trashy television.”

She looked at the crooked RV and back at him. “No, let’s do it. I’m ready for an adventure.”

“Okay great because I’ve got it all mapped out.”

They went into the house and he pulled out a map. “We are using technology on this trip right?” Kensi asked a little anxiously. “I thought you said that thing had wifi.”

“It does. The map is just for planning purposes,” he told her. “Okay, so we’re going to start here in LA and then drive up north to Yosemite. Then we head to Nevada and hit Great Basin National Park. Then Arches in Utah, Colorado Rocky Mountain, and Yellowstone in Wyoming. And finally to Crater Lake in Oregon and then home.”

Kensi’s eyebrows had risen the entire time he was speaking. “That’s a really ambitious list babe.”

“Well, it’s just a start. We can take things off if we get too busy or end up somewhere different.”

She looked down at the map, fingers tracing the path he’d drawn. “We’re going to need a lot of snacks.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm telling you right now, this story may have gone completely off the rails. It's been a weird summer and...I honestly don't quite know what happened. This is your warning!

They were up bright and early the next morning to take Monty to doggy daycare where Roberta would pick him up at the end of the day. Then they hit the road for Yosemite. So far, things were going exactly according to plan. Until they inevitably got stuck in LA traffic.

“Remember last night when I asked you about snacks? You brought some right? Because I don’t know how long I can last without snacks,” Kensi said after about forty minutes.

Deeks looked at her sideways. “Did I buy snacks? Do you think I don’t know you after all this time? Check the fridge.”

She unbuckled her seatbelt and walked halfway back to the little kitchenette. Opening the fridge her eyes went wide in delight. “You got me Reese’s?”

“Of course I got you Reese’s. I wanted this to be fun, not the road trip from hell.”

She rejoined him, plopping happily back into her seat and giving him a peck on the cheek. “This is already off to a better start than all our other vacations.”

“I told you.”

“So why Yosemite? There lots of other parks in California.”

“Well first of all, Yosemite Sam. Second of all I was looking at the out of state parks and mapping our trip. The only one kind of on the way out is Yosemite. Well, and Death Valley, but I thought we should probably avoid any place that advertises killing off visitors.”

Kensi nodded, biting into a Reese’s. “Good point.”

He looked at her. “Are you going to share those?”

“I thought you bought them for me,” she said around a mouthful of chocolate.

“I did, but as your loving, devoted husband who is taking you on the vacation of a lifetime, who buys you snacks and cleans your house and saves your beautiful, beautiful ass multiple times a week, you could share one.”

She glared at him and withdrew one candy from the bag, putting it directly into his hand. “Thank you,” he said, keeping his eyes on the road as he unwrapped it.

“What is all this traffic?” she asked, trying to peer down the freeway.

“Rush hour,” Deeks said, moving them forward another two feet.

“It’s not usually this bad at this time.” She craned her neck, pushing up out of her seat. “I think someone has a flat tire.”

Sure enough up ahead there was a much older and smaller RV half on/half off the shoulder. “We should see if they need help,” Kensi said.

“Babe we’re off duty. They look fine.”

She gave him a look and he sighed, flipping on the blinker to maneuver them onto the shoulder behind the stopped vehicle. They hopped out and walked toward an older couple evaluating a very flat tire. “Hey you need some help?” Kensi called over the noise of the traffic.

“Oh bless me, yes, thank you!” A woman who looked to be about Roberta’s age waved at them. “My Bill here could use some assistance.”

“What’s the problem?” Deeks asked.

The man, Bill apparently, stood and rubbed his hands together. “Carol and I were just driving along and we musta run over something. Tire’s flat as a pancake and those lug nuts are so tight it’s like they’re cemented on.”

“Young man if you could give him a hand we would appreciate it,” Carol said.

Deeks shook his head and gestured to Kensi. “Sugarbear, this one’s all yours.”

“Oh,” Carol seemed startled. “I don’t think—“

Kensi reached for the tire iron and within seconds had loosened one of the nuts. Both Bill and Carol raised their eyebrows. “Well I’ll be darned,” Bill said in amazement.

“Somebody’s been eating their wheaties!” Carol said.

Kensi smiled as she worked the second lug nut. “My dad had a lot of tricks.”

“I’m Marty,” Deeks said, holding out a hand. “This is my wife Kensi.”

“Bill and Carol Weekes,” Bill said. “That’s quite a lady you’ve got there.”

Deeks smiled. “She certainly is.”

“Babe, can you get the spare?” Kensi called.

“On it!” Deeks looked to Bill.

“I think it’s in the back,” he said. “Come on in.”

Deeks followed Bill inside the RV and was immediately assaulted. “Ah! What the—?”

“Oh, sorry!” Bill said. “Kujo! Chewbarka! Tank! Twinkie! Patrick Dempsey get off him!”

In a rush of fur and wagging tails, five dogs raced back to Bill, leaving Deeks covered in slobber and dog hair. “They’re tame, just likely to lick you to death,” Bill said with a chuckle.

“Uh yeah,” Deeks said, wiping his hands on his pants. “Ouch!” He jumped as teeth sank into his ankle.

“Patrick Dempsey!” Bill yelled again, swatting the little dachshund away. “I shoulda said they’ll all lick you to death except PD. He’s vicious.”

“Right.” Deeks rubbed the sore spot. “The tire?”

“Oh yeah!” Bill popped open a hatch and hauled out a donut. “There we go.”

“Great.” Deeks grabbed it from him. “Let’s take this to Kensi and she’ll have you out of here in no time.”

He received a final nip from Patrick Dempsey on the way out the door, then handed the tire over to Kensi. Together they had it on within minutes. “Oh my goodness, how can we ever thank you?” Carol said as Kensi tightened the final bolt.

“No need,” Kensi said. “We’re happy to help.”

“Well that’s not acceptable,” Carol said bustling off into the RV.

“Aw my Carol. She’s not going to let you leave empty handed,” Bill said, elbowing Deeks with a grin.

Sure enough Carol was back seconds later, a tinfoil wrapped plate in her hand. “Here,” she said. “These are some of my world famous chocolate chip cookies. Made with real butter and eggs, none of that vegan stuff all you west coasters are so fond of.”

Deeks had to bite back a laugh as he took the plate. “Thank you. You two be safe now all right?” He said.

“Will do!” They waved cheerily as they headed back inside and started the RV up.

“Well they were…” Kensi couldn’t seem to find the words.

“Yep,” Deeks said. “And you didn’t even get a bite from Patrick Dempsey.”

She raised her eyebrows. “What?”

Deeks shook his head. “Don’t worry about it. Come on. Adventure awaits in…approximately five hours depending on traffic.”

It was a lot more like seven hours by the time they finally trundled into the park. Deeks picked up a parking tag for the RV and a map to their campsite. “Oh thank god,” Kensi said as they pulled into their spot. “I need to get out of this thing.”

“You do realize we’re going to spend most of this trip inside the RV,” Deeks said. “That’s why I got the nice one.”

“And it is so nice baby, but breathing the same air as you for this many hours is…too much.”

“I think you’re hangry. Let’s get a little fire going and we can have some hot dogs, a couple s’mores and you’ll feel better,” Deeks said.

“You know the way directly to my heart,” she said, giving him a peck on the cheek.

It was quick and easy to get a campfire burning and soon they were cuddled up next to one another in a blanket, making s’mores. Kensi had just whispered something very dirty in Deeks’ ear and he was on the verge of grabbing her and taking the party indoors when a very loud, rundown RV pulled into the spot directly next to them. “Well that’s not really what we came here for,” Deeks grumbled as the RV backfired and let out a huge explosion of exhaust before giving a wheezing cough as it turned off.

“Um, Deeks?” Kensi said. “Is that—“

The RV’s door opened and a dachshund ran out, barking like mad, and lunging for Deeks’ leg. “Whoa!” he yelled, dropping his s’more and leaping out of his seat.

“Patrick Dempsey! You get back here right now!” A woman bellowed, charging out the door after him.

“Carol?” Kensi asked as she pulled the dog off Deeks’ leg.

“Well hey there fellow travelers!” Bill said, smiling broadly as he descended the steps. “What a coincidence!”

“Coincidence or nightmare?” Deeks muttered, rubbing his calf.

“It is a coincidence,” Kensi said, elbowing Deeks to shut him up. “I don’t remember you saying this was on your schedule.”

“Well we got to talking as we drove and Kensi, you made this sound like such a fun idea we decided to hop on over,” Carol said.

“Really sold it to ‘em huh Kens?” Deeks asked under his breath.

She elbowed him again. “Well don’t let us interrupt your fun,” Carol said. “You two lovebirds looked so cozy when we drove up. We’ll just keep to ourselves over here.”

“And don’t worry about making too much noise! You know, if things start to heat up later.” Bill winked at them. “Carol and I are very sound sleepers. Won’t hear a thing.”

“Perfect,” Deeks said weakly. “We’ll keep that in mind.”

“Well I guess we’ll turn in,” Bill told them. “Been a long day. You kids have fun!”

Patrick Dempsey gave a final yip as Carol scooped him up and they went back inside.

“So…do we turn around and go home now?” Kensi asked.

“No,” Deeks said firmly as he put out the fire. “This is going to be a normal vacation. We’re going to see lots of pretty rocks, eat road food, and have lots of sex. NORMAL.”

She rolled her eyes but smiled. “I’m not sure we’re capable of normal.”

“Yes we are,” he insisted, grabbing her hand. “Come on.”

He pulled her inside and the door had barely closed before he was kissing her, hands fumbling with the buttons on her shirt. “Deeks!” Kensi laughed, then gasped as he nipped at that one, particular spot on her neck. “Deeks, what are you doing?”

“Well we gave this thing a test drive. We tried out the refrigerator, the wifi, the satellite. And now, I think we need to test out the bed,” he said with a grin, swinging her up into his arms and carrying her to the back of the RV where he tossed her onto the mattress.

He whipped off his belt with a dramatic flair and then dove on top of her, pressing kisses to her face, neck, wherever he could find as she laughed. “I think you’re still a little overdressed here,” she said, tugging at his t-shirt.

“Well that’s easily fixed.” Deeks sat up fast to take the shirt off and whacked his head on the ceiling.

“Ooh!” Kensi sat up, reaching to cradle his face while he closed his eyes in pain. “Oh my god, are you all right?”

“Ow. Yep. That smarts.” He rubbed the top of his head. “I feel like that’s a pretty major design flaw.”

“Well maybe they didn’t intend for people to have wild and crazy sex in here,” she said, trying to stifle her laughter.

“No problem,” Deeks said with a grimace, clearly trying to ignore his throbbing skull. “We’ll just switch tactics.”

He leaned down toward her again and was immediately interrupted by the loudest, most frantic barking either one of them had ever heard. “You have got to be kidding me,” he said dropping his head onto Kensi’s chest.

She ruffled his hair and pressed a kiss to the injured spot. “They’ll stop in a second.”

Sure enough they waited a moment and the barking ceased. “Okay then, back to business,” Deeks said with a grin, leaning over once more.

The barking started again. And then again. And then….again. Deeks groaned and rolled onto his back so they were side by side.

“This is unbelievable,” Kensi said breathless and annoyed.

“So much for a normal vacation.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes people ask if I base my stories on real life so, fun fact, for eleven years my family had a mini dachshund named Willy. He was a demon beast from hell. Seriously. Patrick Dempsey is based on him. His name is Patrick Dempsey because I think it's hilarious when animals have extremely human names. Anyway, hope you enjoyed! More shenanigans to come!


	3. Chapter 3

Not only was there no sex, there was also no sleep. Patrick Dempsey and his friends kept up their ruckus on and off all night long so that Kensi and Deeks both got up in the morning groggy and disgruntled.

Bill and Carol, on the other hand, had apparently enjoyed a perfect night’s sleep because they emerged from their RV with their perpetually cheery smiles and the entire pack of dogs leashed and ready for a hike. “Well good morning lovebirds!” Carol said. “You two don’t look like you got much sleep.” She sent them a suggestive wink.

“It was a little noisy,” Deeks said, rubbing his eyes as he looked at her over his coffee mug.

“Uh oh, did our boys keep you up?” Bill asked with a chuckle. “Sorry about that. They’re all night owls. Carol and I just sleep through it anymore.”

“Yeah well maybe try giving them a melatonin or an Advil PM or something,” Deeks grumbled.

“What are you two up to today?” Carol asked.

“We’re not sure yet,” Kensi said. Her mug was tipping precariously in her hand, coffee threatening to spill over the lip to the ground below.

“Well don’t waste all your time sitting here! Get on out there and enjoy the scenery!” Bill said.

“Have a good day!” Carol gave a little wave as they started their walk, dogs trailing along beside them.

“I hate them,” Deeks growled.

“Me too,” Kensi echoed, staring sleepy daggers at their backs.

It took an hour and a lot of coffee, but both of them finally woke up enough to decide on a hike up the Yosemite Falls trail. Deeks claimed he was feeling landlocked and thought maybe a view of some water would help. “Maybe you should have thought of that before you decided on a road trip to decidedly landlocked states,” Kensi said as they pulled on hiking boots.

“I planned this trip for you, not me! If it were up to me we’d be in Bora Bora right now!”

As far as hikes went it was only moderately strenuous, especially for people who had spent the last three vacations chasing or running from bad guys through a variety of difficult terrains. And the payoff was huge. “Wow,” Deeks said when the falls finally came into view. “All right that’s pretty incredible.”

“Yeah it is,” Kensi said, taking his hand. “Come on, let’s get closer.”

It was early enough in the day that there were only a few groups of people taking in the sights, which meant Kensi and Deeks had a very clear view of the scenery without a lot of selfie sticks and noisy tourists around. The wind changed as they got closer and began blowing spray on them. “Here,” Kensi pulled out her phone. “Let’s take a picture to send to the guys to prove we can go on vacation successfully.”

She wrapped an arm around his shoulders and they smiled brightly while she snapped a few pictures. “One more,” she said, kissing him on the cheek while she snapped away. “That one’s just for me.”

Deeks grinned. “And this one’s just for me.” He kissed her on the lips, lifting her up a bit so her feet left the ground. “Happy we came?”

She nodded, pressing her forehead against his. “For sure.”

They considered pressing on to either Yosemite Peak or Eagle Point, but Kensi was hungry for something other than trail mix so instead they headed back down the mountain intent on an early dinner and maybe a nap to make up for last night’s lost sleep.

“What is that noise?” Kensi asked as they walked back into the campground.

“Sounds like a baseball game,” Deeks said. “Like a full on, major league baseball game.”

“Where is it coming from?”

“Somewhere far away from us I hope.”

It was not coming from far away. It was coming from directly next to their RV where Bill and Carol had somehow managed to hook up a large, flatscreen TV outside their own camper and were watching a baseball so game so loudly it was almost like being there in person.

“Well hey neighbors how was your hike?” Bill asked, muting the sound.

“It was uh, it was good,” Deeks said, eying the television. “What do you have going on here?”

“Oh you know, I can’t be without the game when we’re on the little road trips we take. Go Brewers!”

“Is that Kensi and Marty?” Carol poked her head out. “Oh perfect timing! I was just putting together some of my world famous chocolate chip banana bread. Kensi, come on in and help me.”

“Oh, no that’s okay,” Kensi said, but Carol grabbed her arm and pulled her inside while Kensi shot a desperate look at Deeks over her shoulder.

“Don’t worry babe, I’ll just go make dinner,” Deeks called.

“Oh no, don’t go yet! Come on, have a seat!” Bill patted the camp chair next to him. “You follow baseball son?”

Deeks reluctantly sank into a faded, green camp chair. “Uh, no, no I don’t really,” Deeks said. “Not really a sports guy.”

Bill grunted. “Yeah ‘spose I could have guessed that from the hair.”

Deeks self-consciously touched his curls. “I mean, I get the general idea. Ball. Bat. Bases.”

“Well good. It is America’s pastime after all. Oh, Brewers are back up.”

Bill turned the volume back on and Deeks had to resist the urge to cover his ears as the announcer’s voice blasted through the screen.

Meanwhile inside the camper Kensi was sweating it out with Carol in the tiny kitchen. “Carol, I have to tell you baking’s not really my thing,” Kensi said nervously as she was handed a mixing bowl and spoons.

“Nonsense! Banana bread’s so easy a baby could do it,” Carol said, measuring out some sugar. “Here. You measure out the flour while I get going on these bananas.”

Kensi nervously dumped some flour into the cup. Carol turned around to take it from her and her eyes grew wide. “Oh my. You weren’t kidding about your kitchen skills were you?”

“Yeah De—Marty is more of the chef in our house,” Kensi said as Carol leveled the flour off and added it to her mixture.

“You two are so…non-traditional,” Carol said brightly. “You’d never know from looking at you that your skillset tended more toward the masculine.”

“Well I’m not sure—“ Kensi’s words were drowned out by the sound of the mixer.

“Hand me those eggs would you dear?” Carol yelled.

Kensi handed them over. “So how did you and Martin meet?” Carol asked loudly as she deftly cracked the eggs into the bowl.

Kensi’s danger radar flared up. She and Deeks hadn’t discussed a cover story because they hadn’t anticipated running into anyone on this trip. If she picked one story to tell Carol and Deeks picked another, they were going to be in trouble. Poughkeepsie Ping Pong? America’s Next Top Hang Glider? Dr. Who, Medicine Woman?

“Tennis,” Kensi finally said. “Deeks is an avid tennis player and ended up with some shoulder problems. I was his massage therapist.”

“Well if that isn’t a love story for the books,” Carol said delightedly as she added chocolate chips to the batter. “My Bill and I were high school sweethearts. Took one look at him in his football uniform and that was that.”

“Oh, that’s nice,” Kensi said.

“We’ve taken a little trip every summer since,” Carol said, batter going into pans. “It’s good for couples to keep things fresh. Most important thing in a marriage.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“Second most important thing is making sure you please your man. Don’t want him to stray to greener pastures. Not that you have to worry about that yet. You’re young! But your looks will only last for so long. That’s when you have to start getting creative in the bedroom.”

Kensi’s alarm bells ratcheted up several notches. She had to get out of here. Now. “Oh, wow, is that the time?” She pretended to check her phone. “Yikes, so sorry Carol but Marty and I have got to go. Gotta catch the sunset and all that.”

“Oh but you didn’t get to try any banana bread,” Carol said, disappointment clouding her face.

“Rain check,” Kensi told her. “Thanks so much for the offer!”

She burst out of the trailer doors and grabbed Deeks’s arm, yanking him out of the chair. “Ow, hey, what—“

“Babe we’ve got to go now if we’re going to see the sunset, remember?” she said loudly, over the roar of the game.

“Oh right, yeah. Thanks Bill!”

“Anytime!” Bill gave a wave, eyes still glued to the screen as he raised a beer to his lips.

“Kensi, ow, hey loosen the grip, loosen the grip, where are we going?” Deeks asked as she dragged him down the road.

“Anywhere. Anywhere that’s not here,” she said, wrenching his arm as she took a sharp left turn.

“Okay, OW! Hey!” He stopped and pulled his arm away from her. “Easy on the merchandise! You want to tell me what the heck happened in there that has us fleeing on foot?”

“Why does everyone always think we need help with our sex lives?” Kensi cried.

Deeks spluttered, eyes wide. “Uh…what?”

“Carol is in there baking up banana bread and telling me how I need to make sure I ‘please’ you so you don’t go for some sort of young, hot, short skirt wearing, Suzy homemaker!”

“Suzy—what?”

“Deeks,” she looked him in the eye. “Be honest with me. Our sex is good right?”

There was only one right answer and fortunately it also happened to be the truth. “Yes! Yes, Kens, of course it’s good. It’s great! It’s…fantastic.”

“But is it creative?”

“Creative how? Like sometimes we stay up and do it after midnight or like kinky Nell and Eric dressing like elves kind of stuff?”

“I don’t know! I didn’t let her get that far.” Kensi’s eyes widened. “Maybe I should have let her.”

“Babe I really don’t think you need sex advice from Carol. In fact, I really don’t _want_ you to take sex advice from Carol.”

But Kensi had clearly stopped listening. Determination stole over her face and she grabbed Deeks’ hand. “Come on.”

“Where are we going now?”

“To get creative.”

“What about the sunset?”

She raised her eyebrows. “Who says we can’t do both?”

Deeks’ jaw went slack. “Uh…”

Kensi’s creativity included a blanket, a secluded spot, and indeed, a pretty spectacular view of the sunset.   
“Well,” Deeks said breathlessly, as Kensi ran a hand across his chest. “That wasn’t just creative, that was full on art.”

“Take that Carol,” Kensi said smugly.

Deeks winced. “Yeah, babe, as great as this has been I don’t really want to be thinking about Carol and Bill while we’re making sweet, sweet love.”

“Sorry. You’re right.”

She rolled on top of him, intent on starting round two. “Hey, speaking of Bill and Carol though…”

Kensi stopped kissing him and sat up. “I thought you didn’t want to talk about them.”

“Well you brought them up! I was in their RV yesterday and I didn’t see that giant TV in there.”

“You were distracted by the dogs, right? Maybe you just didn’t see it.”

“It’s a pretty big TV and that’s a pretty small RV. I feel like I would have noticed.”

“Right. So you’re suggesting that Bill and Carol, mom and pop midwestern, baseball watching, banana bread baking, Bill and Carol what? Stole it?”

Deeks shrugged. “Call it detective’s intuition.”

She sent him a bemused look. “If you really had detective’s intuition you would know what I’m thinking about right now.”

With a quick move Deeks flipped them so that she was on her back, a grin on his face. “Is it something like this?”

What he did next made Kensi gasp. “That’s a good start,” she managed.

There was no more talk of Bill and Carol after that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did not remember that I had written "Dr. Who, Medicine Woman" and I laughed so hard I cried when I read it while editing. It might be my favorite cover story name I've ever written for these two. I hope you liked it as well!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Definitely told myself that this would be completely uploaded before the end of summer. Which is...Tuesday...yeah. It's not going to be done. Ah well. Such is Covid life I guess. Anywho, another chapter of weird vacation nonsense.

Deeks and Kensi were up early the next morning to start their drive to Nevada. All was quiet from Bill and Carol’s RV and they were able to leave without saying goodbye to their whacky neighbors.

They stopped for breakfast on their way out of town at a small local diner that, according to one Yelp review, had “the best donuts in the world.” Kensi couldn’t disagree, they were pretty amazing.

“So, onto Nevada?” she said around a mouthful of Boston creme.

“Great Basin. Should be awesome. I thought we could tour the Lehman caves and maybe do some stargazing.” He wiggled his eyebrows at her. “Although thanks to your creativity we both already saw stars last night.”

She kicked him good-naturedly under the table. “That was a one time only. You have to come up with your own creativity next time.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” he said with a grin. His gaze caught on something above her head and she frowned. “What do you think happened there?”

Kensi turned to follow his gaze. On the wall was a large blank spot with some exposed wiring. “Looks like there used to be a TV there,” she said.

He raised his eyebrows and Kensi immediately shook her head. “I know what you’re thinking and there’s no way. It is not possible that we’ve stumbled onto yet another crime. Not on this vacation. We promised. We said nothing like this could possibly happen this year.”

“Can I get you anything else?” Carmen, their server, interrupted their conversation.

Deeks nodded toward the empty spot on the wall. “Hey Carmen, something happen to your TV?”  
“Yeah,” she said. “So weird. Somebody stole it the other day. Emptied the register too. Owner’s pissed about it.”

“You didn’t catch anything on your security cameras?” Kensi asked.

She shook her head. “We only have the one and it’s at the back door. Police are investigating, but it’s not a high priority, you know?”

“Sorry to hear that,” Deeks said. “I think we’re all set here, just the check when you have a second.”

“Stop thinking about it,” Kensi said as they walked back to the RV.

“How do you know what I’m thinking about?” Deeks asked. “You’re not in my head.”

Kensi rolled her eyes. “I know you and your detective brain. You’re still thinking about that TV.”

“Well you have to admit it’s a hell of a coincidence,” he said. “Bill and Carol show up with a TV, a TV near the campsite goes missing…”

“Maybe you need to stop thinking with your detective brain and remember with your lawyer brain that _that_ is called circumstantial evidence and will not hold up in a court of law.”

“I’m not saying we need to do anything I’m just suggesting…”

“Well stop suggesting and start driving. Our cave tour is at three and we don’t want to miss it.”

Kensi dozed off as Deeks drove, waking up as they crossed the border into Nevada. “Hey there Sleeping Beauty,” Deeks said as she stretched and rolled out her neck. “Welcome to ‘The Silver State.’ Want to make a detour to Vegas and get hitched?”

She rolled her eyes at him. “We’re already married.”

“Vow renewal?”

“Only if I get another wedding cake out of it.”

“I think I can make that happen.”

They made it to the RV park with plenty of time to spare before their cave tour. “Stay here,” he said after he’d parked.

He stepped outside and made a big show of looking around.

Kensi wrinkled her nose. “Deeks what are you doing?”

He poked his head back in. “Checking for Bill and Carol. Coast is clear. You can come out.”

“Oh thank god,” she said, walking out to check out the view. Even from the parking lot it was beautiful. “I’m ready for some peace and quiet.”

“No baseball games.” Deeks wrapped his arms around her.

“No dogs.”

“No sex advice.”

Kensi nodded. “Definitely no sex advice.”

Half an hour later they met up with their guide and a small group of other tourists including a few kids at the mouth of the caves. “Okay everyone, my name is Marcus, I’m going to be your tour guide today,” he said. “We’re just waiting for a couple more people so we’ll give them about five more minutes and we’ll get started.”

“Nope! Hey! No need to wait! We’re here!”

“No…” Kensi said in quiet horror as she and Deeks both turned to see none other than Bill and Carol hustling toward them.

Bill was dressed in his finest vacation dad attire; a pair of cargo shorts with about twenty pockets and socks pulled up to nearly his knees with hiking boots. Carol on the other hand was sporting a necklace that, had it been real, would probably have been worth hundreds if not thousands of dollars and was definitely not standard spelunking attire.

“Bill and Carol Weekes reporting for duty!” Bill said, both of them out of breath. “Sorry we’re late. Had a dog problem.”

“That’s okay,” Marcus said. “All right everyone please listen carefully I’m going to go over a few of the rules for our tour today.”  
“I cannot believe this,” Kensi said under her breath as she plastered on a smile and answered Carol’s excited wave. “How is this possible?”

“Did you tell Carol our entire itinerary when we met them on the side of the road?” Deeks hissed.

“No! I mean…I mentioned some of the places. But I never expected them to decide to follow us the entire trip!”

“Hi! Please make sure you’re paying attention,” Marcus said pointedly, causing them both to clam up and continue listening to directions about not disturbing or touching anything in the caves and to watch out for low spots in the ceiling.

“Make certain to watch your step and if you have children with you please keep track of them at all times. We don’t want anybody left behind,” Marcus finished. “Now you can all follow me single file as we enter the caves.”

Try as they might Kensi and Deeks ended up directly in front of Bill and Carol and once they were inside there wasn’t really any space to move further up in the group. “What a surprise,” Bill said, clapping Deeks so hard on the shoulder that he almost stumbled into a stalagmite.

“Yeah it really is,” Deeks said.

“Well you know we were just thinking about how wonderful it would be to see these caves so we rushed right over here and wouldn’t you know, we made it just in time!” Carol said excitedly.

“Once my Carol gets an idea you can’t get her off it!” Bill chuckled. “She wants to see a bunch of old rocks, a bunch of old rocks it is!”

They proceeded through the entire tour with Bill cracking jokes and elbowing Deeks in the ribs like they were old pals, while Carol oohed and aahed with every new rock formation. They’d opted to take the longer tour, and Kensi regretted every single second. The caves were beautiful, but the company was not.

By the time they exited the last cave Kensi had a raging headache and Deeks looked more sour than she’d ever seen him. The only saving grace was that Bill and Carol hadn’t obtained a parking slot within the park, but instead had needed to park at a separate campsite nearby. “Oh please come on over for dinner, I’m making beef stew,” Carol pleaded as they walked down the trail.

“Next time,” Deeks said. “The little lady’s got a headache, gotta get her home.”

“You two are racking up quite the number of rainchecks!” Carol said. “All right then, have a good evening. Toodles!”

With a little wave she and Bill scooted away to hopefully go wreak havoc on some new neighbors.

“Have I mentioned that I hate them?” Kensi asked, rubbing at her temples.

“Me too.” Deeks wrapped an arm around her shoulders. “Come on. Let’s get you back so you can take a nap and get rid of that headache.”

She woke an hour later feeling considerably better. When she sat up she found Deeks sitting at the table, laptop in front of him. “What are you doing?” she asked as she sat up.

“Sending pictures of Bill and Carol to Eric so he can run them through facial rec.”

She sat up. “What?!”

“Did you see that necklace Carol was wearing today?” Deeks asked. “She didn’t have that on the other day.”

“Women change their jewelry Deeks.”

“Remember the cruise ship? And Hawaii? And Jacksonville? When you just _knew_ something was up?” He looked at her pointedly. “And your loving husband humored you and you turned out to be right and we took down the bad guys together?”

She rolled her eyes and scooted to the edge of the bed so she was closer to him. “Yes, I remember. Are you saying it’s my turn to trust your intuition?”

“I just feel like something’s up. We’ll run the background check and then we’ll know.”

“And then we can continue our vacation in peace?” She bent over and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, giving him a kiss on the cheek.

“Yes, then we can continue in peace.”

They’d just finished dinner when Eric called. “Hey Eric, you’re on speaker,” Deeks said, setting down his fork.

“Hi Eric!” Kensi said.

“Hey Kens, how are the parks?”

“Gorgeous. We’re totally loving it.”

“That’s awesome. So listen Deeks, I ran background checks on both Bill and Carol Weekes and they came back pretty clean. A couple parking tickets here and there, but no arrests, no domestic disturbances, nothing that would make them seem at all suspicious.”

Kensi shot Deeks a pointed look. “You’re sure Eric?” Deeks asked. “No incidences of dog violence?”

“Um…no?” Eric asked confused. “I didn’t specifically check for that though.”

“That’s okay,” Kensi said. “Thanks Eric, we appreciate it.”

“You’re welcome.”

“You didn’t mention this to anybody, right?” Deeks asked.

If he had, they’d never hear the end of it. “No I didn’t, but is everything okay?” Eric asked, tone turning concerned.

“Yep, everything’s great, just my paranoia kicking into overdrive,” Deeks said quickly.

“Are you sure? Sam and Callen could be there in—“

“Bye Eric!” Deeks hung up. “How long do you think he’ll hold out before Callen and Sam interrogate it out of him?”

“Depends,” Kensi said. “If they’re at the mission right now we probably have until tomorrow morning. If they’re not, we might have until tomorrow night.”

“We could ditch our phones and turn off the wifi.”

“Eric would just track our plates. They know our basic plan, we won’t be hard to find. Was it worth it?”

“I guess.” He shook his head. “I just really had a feeling something was up with those two.”

She reached across the table for his hand. “It’s okay if you’re losing your touch. You are getting older.”

“Hey!”

She stood, pulling him along with her. “Come on old man. The stars are waiting. Unless it’s past your bedtime already?”

“Are you kidding me?”

“Pretty soon you’ll be wearing cargo shorts and talking about how the price of cable keeps going up…”

He growled catching her around the waist and hoisting her over his shoulder. “Oh, I’ll show you who’s an old man!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Huh, I guess Deeks' hunch was wrong after all. Oh well. Totally normal vacation continues!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's October now. Ah well. 2020 and all that.

Arches National Park was next on their list so off to Utah it was. They passed Bill and Carol at the additional campsite and ducked low in their seats to try and avoid direct eye contact. “Are they following us?” Deeks asked as he drove, glancing furtively in the rearview mirror.

Kensi turned around. “No, looks like one of the dogs got loose.” She raised her eyebrows. “With a string of sausages in his mouth. Gosh who are these people? It’s like being in a cartoon.”

“People we are going to forget about,” Deeks said firmly as he pulled onto the highway.

She turned back to look at him. “Oh really? You’re giving up on the ‘Carol and Bill are criminal masterminds’ theory?”

“Eric said they cleared, so they cleared. He’d never miss something like that.”

“No, he wouldn’t,” she agreed. “Now, let’s get back to our Bill and Carol free vacation. What are we doing in Arches?”

Deeks grinned. “Rocks. Lots of rocks.”

They spent the next two days in vacation bliss. After they arrived they did a major hike with a rock climb and got some pretty spectacular pictures among the red rocks.

The next morning dawned sunny and they ended up with a perfect day for an aerial tour of the park. The pilot answered all their questions and they got some spectacular views of the landscape.

From there they moved onto Rocky Mountain National Park where they rented bicycles and had a romantic picnic with incredible views of the mountains, valleys, and wildlife.

It was everything they’d dreamed a vacation could be, and neither Bill, Carol, nor their pack of wild hounds made a single appearance. But if they had known what was going to happen next, they never, ever would have driven to Yellowstone. They would have gotten in the RV and driven east until they hit the Atlantic and then they would have started to swim. Yellowstone was an unqualified disaster.

It started out pleasantly enough. They rolled into the park, parked the RV and got everything set up for a couple days of sightseeing. “I can’t believe it’s almost time to go home,” Kensi said as she washed up their breakfast dishes.

“We still have another entire park after this,” Deeks said.

“I know, but remember when we talked about packing up our kids and living life on the road?”

Deeks raised his eyebrows. “You mean when I was nearly blown up and you saved my life by dragging me me out on a door?”

She smiled. “Yes, that time. I was just babbling, but this road life is kind of nice.”

“You’re telling me you don’t miss work at all? Running down bad guys? Kicking ass?”

“I kicked your ass pretty good last night,” she said coyly, coming to sit in his lap.

“That’s true, you did,” he conceded. “I have the bruises to prove it.”

“You liked it.”

“Touché”.

She kissed him once. Then again. “Oh are we going another round?” Deeks asked as she reached for the hem of his shirt. “I thought we were going to see Old Faithful?”

“Later,” Kensi said, kissing his neck.

“Are you saying you want to see my Old Faithful instead?”

She stopped abruptly and wrinkled her nose.

“Too far?” he asked.  
She patted his shoulder and slid off his lap. “Yeah, too far. Moment over.”

They stepped out into the campground, looking for signs to guide them toward the geyser. They were walking toward the trail when Deeks grabbed Kensi’s hand and pulled her behind a car.

“Deeks! Ow! What the hell?”

“Sorry,” he said, eyes searching the parking lot. “Stay down.”

“What? Why?”

“Just…I thought I saw something.”

“Saw what? Deeks what is going on?”

“Oh shit!” Deeks grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him, scuttling past a few more cars.

She wrenched her hand away and glared at him. “Deeks, I don’t know what the hell this is but—“

“Shh!!” Deeks pointed past her. “It’s the Weekes’!”

“What?!” She whipped around and spotted two sets of legs and a pack of very familiar dogs between the wheel wells. “Oh god. We have to hide.”

“What do you think this is?!” Deeks hissed, gesticulating wildly at their crouched position.

“Why are they just standing there?” Kensi asked. “Why can’t they decide where they’re going?”

“I’m more interested in why they’re here in the first place! I thought we lost them in Nevada!”

“Apparently not!” Kensi said. “What are we going to do? We can’t just stay here, somebody’s going to see us.”

“I’m thinking,” Deeks said, looking around. “Okay, there’s a big, blue pickup over there. If we can get behind that I don’t think they’ll be able to see us before we make it to the trailhead.”

“On three?” Kensi asked.

He nodded. “One, two, three!”

They stayed crouched low and moved quickly between the cars. They were almost to the blue pickup when they heard, “Marty! Is that your ragamuffin head I see over there?”

“Run!” Deeks hissed.

But it was too late. Out of nowhere PD came flying at them, grabbing onto Deeks’ pant leg like a vice.

“Go on without me!” he said desperately, trying to shake free.

“I am not leaving you behind!” Kensi hissed.

“It is you!” Carol cried as she bustled over, holding two of the dogs. “I should have known when PD took off if was you for sure. He just loves you!”

“I can’t say the feeling’s mutual,” Deeks said with a wince.

“PD come here you little rascal,” Bill said, finally managing to dislodge the beast’s jaws. “Well it sure is good to see you two. We thought maybe you were hiding from us when we didn’t see you after Nevada.”

“Oh, nope, just must not have crossed paths,” Kensi said through gritted teeth.

“Well I am absolutely tickled you’re both here because we never did get to have that dinner. Tonight. You must come over. I’m making my world famous chicken and dumplings,” Carol insisted.

“Oh we really don’t want to impose,” Kensi protested.

“Nonsense, nonsense!” Carol cried. “The more the merrier!”

“Well we kind of had plans—“ Deeks said.

“Cancel ‘em!” Bill roared, clapping Deeks so hard on the shoulder it knocked the wind out of him. “You don’t want to miss dumpling night. Trust me.”

Deeks shot Kensi a look that said he fervently disagreed. “We won’t take no for an answer,” Carol insisted. “We have an excursion planned all afternoon, but we’ll see you at five!”

Kensi and Deeks trudged toward the trailhead, all joy of exploring the park gone. “We could fake falling into the geyser,” Deeks suggested.

“Maybe it won’t be so bad,” Kensi said.

“That is the third time their dog has nearly chewed my leg off!” Deeks said. “It might be murder!”

“Deeks, we have faced down armed robbers, terrorists, and Hetty on a full moon. We can get through this.” She reached for his hand. “At the very least let’s try and forget about it for a few hours while we go check out the geyser.”

The geyser was impressive, going off three times while they watched, but Deeks seemed distracted, giving only monosyllabic answers and fake smiles. Finally Kensi rolled her eyes and sighed. “You’re not going to let this Weekes thing go, are you?”  
He looked at her and wrinkled his nose. “What? Me? What are you talking about? I let that go weeks ago.”

She gave him a pointed look. “I saw you googling this morning.”

He looked at her guiltily. “I had a hunch.”

“Well detective, what did you detect?”

“Did you know there’s been a small to moderate sized robbery near every park we’ve visited on this trip? Which just happen to be the same parks Bill and Carol have visited?”

“Okay, all right. Fine Columbo. Let’s investigate.”

He stopped and stared at her. “What? What does that mean ‘let’s investigate’?”

She shrugged. “You can’t let this go. I’ve never known you to be wrong about your gut. Let’s go back and check out their RV.”

“Are you serious?”

“They’re gone for the afternoon, this might be our only shot.”

He shook his head. “I knew there was a reason I married you.”

They hustled back to the campsite and found the Weekes’ still out. “Are you sure about this?” Deeks asked. “I mean technically we’re breaking and entering.”

“They’re our ‘friends’. We’re just checking to see if they’re home,” Kensi said with a guileless smile. She tried the door and it opened immediately. “Besides, it’s not breaking and entering if the door’s open, right?”

“You know you’re a little scary when you’re up to criminal activity,” Deeks said, following her inside and closing the door. “I’m glad you chose NCIS and not bounty hunting or something.”

“Deeks, focus,” she said. “You’re the one that’s been in here. Anything look different?”

He flipped on the light and whistled. “Uh, yeah. That,” he pointed to an Xbox. “That.” Two MacBook Airs. “And that.” Several unopened DSLR cameras.

Kensi shook her head. “Maybe they’re just shopping. Taking things home for their grandkids?”

“Right.” Deeks reached into a drawer and pulled out a very heavy, very expensive looking necklace. “Just what every lady needs when hiking and camping.”

“Okay, you’re right. But it’s still circumstantial.”

They both continued looking, trying to leave everything the way they’d found it. “Whoa,” Deeks said when he reached the bathroom. “Either they hoard like you do or…”

Kensi peeked inside and found the shower full to the brim with electronics and other high end, expensive items. “Okay, either they have a lot of grandkids or…”

“PD you come back here you little rascal!”

“They’re back!” Kensi hissed.

“Out!” Deeks said. “Go, go, go!”

They stumbled out of the RV just as Bill and Carol rounded the corner. “Did they see us?” Deeks asked breathlessly.

“I don’t think so,” Kensi said, looking back over her shoulder. “No, they’re inside, I don’t think they saw anything.”

“We need to call Eric,” Deeks said. “See if he can match what we saw in there to the robberies.”

Eric didn’t answer, not surprising considering it was the weekend and he’d had plans to visit a convention in Sacramento. Deeks left a message with a detailed description along with the couple of pictures Kensi had snapped.

Unfortunately, they still had to go to dinner. “Well it doesn’t smell poisonous,” Deeks muttered as they approached.

“Why would they poison us?” Kensi asked. “For all they know, we’re just a happy-go-lucky couple on vacation. It will be fine. Eric will get back to us and we’ll get this whole mess sorted out.”

Bill and Carol had set up dinner on a picnic table next to the camper and refused any and all assistance bringing food back and forth. And Bill had been right, Carol’s dumplings were award worthy.

There was also peach cobbler and after dinner Bill pulled out a bottle of port. “That’s uh, that’s some pricey stuff there Bill,” Deeks said, eyeing the bottle. “You sure you want to use that tonight?”

“Well you know, when you get to be our age you learn that you gotta live a little,” Bill said, pouring generous glasses for each of them.

“If you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to use the restroom,” Kensi said, shooting Deeks a meaningful look as she rose from the table.

“Don’t mind the mess!” Carol called.

Kensi stepped inside the RV, honestly a little surprised that they’d allowed her in at all considering what they’d found earlier in the day. But again, Bill and Carol had no reason to believe Kensi and Deeks would be suspicious.

At least, that’s what she thought until she walked out of the bathroom and straight into the barrel of a rifle.i


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might the longest final chapter I've ever written. Thanks to bluenet13 for encouraging me to finish it. And thanks to all of you for coming along on the road trip from Hell!

“Whoa,” Kensi said, putting her hands up. “Bill, what’s going on?”

“Well that’s a question I think we’d like you to answer,” Bill said kindly. “Is there a reason you and Marty were poking around here earlier?”

Kensi chose her next words carefully. “I’m not sure what you’re talking about. We stopped by to see if you were home.”

“I think we both know you did a little more than that,” Bill said. “Mighta seen some things we didn’t mean for you to see.”

“Bill, I’m not sure what you think is going on here, but let’s go back outside and see if we can sort it out.”

“Works for me. Carol’ll want to hear this I’m sure.”

Kensi moved carefully past him and walked to the front of the RV. When she stepped outside she found Carol still sitting at the picnic table with Deeks. But Deeks had his head on the table and seemed off. “Babe? You okay?” Kensi asked loudly, careful not to make any sudden movements.

“He’s a little sleepy dear,” Carol said. “I think that port really did him in!”

“Okay, what’s going on here?” Kensi asked, worry spiraling through her. Deeks owned a bar, the man could definitely hold his liquor and one glass of port shouldn’t have him face first in his desert.

“Remember how we told you that you have to keep things fun as you get older?” Bill said. “Well Carol and I started this road trip and thought we needed a little action. Something to spice it up.”

“So you committed a robbery,” Kensi said.

“Well just a tiny one,” Carol said. “But it was so easy. So we went bigger.”

Kensi was trying to listen while also keeping her eyes on Deeks. He was stirring but seemed lethargic. “Did you drug my husband?” she asked incredulously.

“Just a little bit,” Carol said, patting him gently on the back. “If you’d just drunk yours like you were supposed to we wouldn’t even be having this conversation.”

“You were going to drug us and then drive away,” Kensi said. “Deeks was right.”

“See, I told you they were getting suspicious,” Bill said.

“You called it dear,” Carol said with a sigh. “I should have listened to you.”

“And I should have listened to Deeks,” Kensi muttered.

“Kens?” Deeks slurred, lifting his head a bit.

“I’m here babe. You okay?”

“I….think ‘m drgged,” he said, eyes glassy and unfocused.

“Yeah you are,” Kensi said. “Just take some deep breaths okay?”

Deeks squinted up. “Dss he havea gn?”

“Yes, he does,” Kensi said. “So we’re just going to behave and not cause any problems, all right?”

“He prbly cn’ evn use it,” Deeks mumbled.

“Hey, I am the reigning, three time rifle champion of Sheboygan!” Bill said indignantly.

“Of course you are,” Kensi said with a sigh of long suffering.

“Well, now that plan A is all used up, we need to move onto plan B,” Carol said. “I think a little walk is in order. Take in some of that fresh mountain air!”

It was past dusk and most people had retreated indoors for the evening. The few that were out were laughing and chatting and took no notice of the strange parade walking by them. Not that Kensi would have asked for help anyway. There were weapons involved now and she wasn’t interested in getting any civilians shot.

She held Deeks up as they walked, stumbling along over the rocky terrain. He seemed to be all right, if uncoordinated and a little confused. “Wre we gng?” he asked repeatedly.

“Just for a little walk dearie,” Carol said every time, patiently, as if she were talking to a five year old.

“How did you get past the security cameras?” Kensi asked.

“Oh we just bypassed the feed and spliced in a loop of footage,” Bill said.

“It’s so easy, our grandson taught us. He’s nine, very bright boy,” Carol said fondly.

“Got a little trickier when it was closed circuit but we figured it out,” Bill said. He’d traded his rifle for a slightly more inconspicuous pistol, another reason no passerby had noticed something off.

“So what’s the plan here?” Kensi asked as they moved further out into the plains. “Shoot us and leave us for dead?”

“Darling don’t be gauche!” Carol said, horrified. “No, we’re going to tie you up. Someone will come along eventually.”

“f we don’t get etn by wlvs first,” Deeks said, coming around enough to be present in the conversation.

“No wolves in this part of the country,” Bill grunted. “Coyotes’ll get you though.”

They walked for several miles before Bill made them stop. And of course he knew how totie knots like a boy scout. “There,” he said after he tightened the last one around Kensi’s wrists. “That oughta do nicely.”

Kensi sent him a pointed glare as Deeks’ head lolled against her shoulder. “Now, you two sit tight,” Carol said sweetly. “You’ll be found by morning.”

“And we’ll be long gone. It really was a pleasure meeting you,” Bill said.

“It was nt ours,” Deeks said, rolling his eyes up into what he apparently thought was an angry scowl but looked more like a fish face.

“No more vacations,” Kensi said, when Bill and Carol were out of earshot. “None. No road trips, no cruises, no flights. Nothing. Home. A dark room. No visitors.”

She worked furiously at the knot in her hands. “Deeks, hey, come on. I need you to wake up and help me here.”

“m wake,” Deeks said, hefting himself off her shoulder.

“The knife in my boot. I need you to get it.”

His current lack of coordination and awareness made things tricky. He ended up with his head in her lap, sliding down along her legs until his hands found her boot. It took several minutes and a lot of awkward maneuvering to retrieve the knife and then another several minutes before he was able to get it into Kensi’s hands.

In no time she had them free and then went to work on her ankles before moving onto Deeks’ bindings. “This was not the kind of tying up I had in mind on this vacation,” Deeks grumbled as she split apart his ankles.

“Now’s not really the time babe. Can you stand?”

“Everything’s a little wobbly,” he said.

She cupped his face and tried to see into his eyes but it was too dark, even with the full moon out. “Well your speech sounds better. Come on. We’ve got a long walk back. And the Weekes’ have at least a forty minute head start.”

She didn’t mention that it would have been a significantly shorter walk if he’d been less drugged. She pulled him to his feet, sliding an arm under his shoulder to help him balance, and off they went, stumbling through the darkness in the direction of what Kensi thought was the campsite.

It was nearing on two in the morning now and they were still nowhere near their destination, when Deeks froze, causing her to stumble. “Deeks, what—“

He dropped to his knees and puked. “Oh god,” he gasped, wiping his mouth. “I hate being roofied.”

“Yeah, I don’t blame you,” Kensi said, putting a hand on his back. “You good or is there more?”

“Help me up,” he said as she hauled him to his feet once again. “Wait.”

They both froze. “What?” Kensi asked.

“I thought I heard something,” Deeks said, squinting to try and see in the moonlight.

Then they both heard it. Hoofbeats. Coming fast. “Is that—“

“Buffalo!” Deeks yelled.

There was an outcropping of rocks silhouetted up ahead and they ran for it, hoofbeats still pounding behind them.

They made it to the outcropping just in time, collapsing against the stones, breathless. “Oh god,” Kensi gasped. “I didn’t know buffalo could run that fast.”

“Neither did we.”

Kensi and Deeks both jumped as they realized that they had once again been reunited with their road trip pals turned hostage takers. And they both looked a little worse for wear.

Carol’s hair was a mess and her knees looked like she’d taken a tumble. Bill was bleeding badly from a wound in his arm. “How did you get free?” Bill asked. “I made those knots tighter than a footballer’s shoelaces.”

“I’m a federal agent,” Kensi said. “And he’s an LAPD detective.”

“No kidding!” Bill said with a chuckle. “Well how ‘bout that Carol. We got the best of an FBI agent and a police officer.”

“I’m not FB—-never mind,” Kensi said with a roll of her eyes. “Let me see your arm.”

“We were just walking back and they came out of nowhere,” Carol said. “I wanted to get a picture of them with my iPhone but it was so dark so we got closer and they just came charging right at us!”

“Yeah well, buffalo don’t really like other people,” Deeks said.

“This looks really bad,” Kensi said. “I think you hit an artery.”

“What does that mean?” Bill asked.

“It means you’re going to die if we don’t get you some help fast,” Deeks said.

“Well how are we going to do that?” Carol asked worriedly.

“We have a lot of connections,” Kensi said, looking meaningfully at Deeks. “If you give us your cellphone AND the pistol, we can probably help.”

“Well what if we just call 911?” Bill asked.

“They might show up in time, they might not,” Deeks said. “Up to you. You might only lose the arm.”

“Lose my arm?!” Bill cried. “This is my shooting arm!”

“Like we said, it’s up to you,” Kensi said. “Phone. Gun. Or no deal.”

“Bill give them the gun!” Carol said. “Here.” She handed Kensi her phone. “Please you have to help him.”

“Gun,” Kensi said, holding out her other hand.

“Take care of her,” Bill said. “That’s my best pistol right there.”

“Yeah, I’m sure it is,” Kensi said with a roll of her eyes, handing it to Deeks who immediately emptied the chamber and flung the bullets as far as he could.

Kensi ripped off a portion of the bottom of her shirt and used it to tie up the wound while Deeks dialed. “Reggie, hey, it’s Deeks. I need a helicopter.”

It was less than twenty minutes before a chopper swooped down and landed in the middle of the plains, scaring the buffalo away and allowing Kensi, Deeks, and the Weekes’ to escape from their rocky prison. Two EMT’s jumped out and hustled toward them. “Please help my husband,” Carol said worriedly. “He’s bleeding out.”

They peeled back Kensi’s makeshift bandage and frowned. “Looks like the bleeding’s stopped. Might need a couple stitches, but your husband will be fine ma’am.”

“I will?” Bill asked, turning to look at Kensi. “But you said—“

Kensi shrugged. “You took us hostage. What did you expect?”

“Now wait just a minute!” Carol said, looking irate as an officer cuffed her.

“No thanks,” Deeks said leaning heavily against Kensi.

“Hey, I do need you to take a look at my husband,” Kensi said to the second EMT. “They drugged him with something.”

“Oh it was just a little Benadryl,” Carol called. “Nothing dangerous.”

“I thought that port tasted awfully sweet,” Deeks said, swaying a bit.

“Even so, Benadryl and alcohol don’t mix. We need to get you checked out,” the EMT said.

It was not a fun helicopter ride. Bill and Carol chattered away the entire time, as if they weren’t about to be arrested for grand larceny and kidnapping. Deeks had rallied enviably toward the end of their walk but now he slumped against the seat, eyes closed, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.

Things got fractionally better when they arrived at the hospital. Bill and Carol were taken away, cuffed, into police custody, but that was where the relief ended. The police wanted statements from both Kensi and Deeks, not once, not twice, but three separate times and no amount of pointing out that they worked for NCIS was going to shake the local PD who were having the most exciting night of their lives in about ten years.

They did give Deeks a look over at the hospital and decided at this point it was best to just let things run their course. He was still a little confused and a lot tired by the time local PD drove them back to the RV park.

“I want a shower,” Kensi said as she got out of the car and pulled Deeks with her.

“I want a nap,” he said as she unlocked the door.

“And where have you two been?” someone asked.

“Oh god!” Kensi yelled, clutching a hand to her chest as she realized there were people sitting at their table.

Eric and Nell were looking at them in a very parental fashion.

“What the hell are you doing here?” Deeks asked.

“Um, you two were obviously in trouble so we borrowed an old Airstream from my parents,” Nell said. “We got in about an hour ago. You want to tell us about the little adventure you clearly just had?”

Deeks and Kensi exchanged a look. “Let’s just say it involved a herd of bison, a demon dog, and a drugging incident,” Kensi said.

“You were drugged?!” Eric asked.

“Oh my god are you okay?” Nell added.

“Not me,” Kensi said.

Eric shook his head wide eyed. “Callen and Sam aren’t going to like that.”

“Well Callen and Sam don’t have to know,” Kensi said. “That’s why we called you Eric.”

Eric and Nell exchanged a slightly guilty look. “What?” Deeks asked. “You told them already?”

The RV door opened behind them and voices trickled in. “It will be fine. There’s plenty of space for both of us.”

“Have you seen yourself? You’re the size of a small building. There’s no way we can both fit in that tent.”

“You brought them with you?!” Kensi asked.

“Brought is a strong word,” Eric said. “Followed a direct order is more accurate.”

What had initially seemed like a spacious RV now seemed suffocatingly small. “Hey you’re back!” Callen said as he and Sam came inside. “Everything okay?”

“It is now,” Deeks said, running a hand through his hair. “What are you all doing here?”

“We’re making sure you’re all right,” Sam said. “Did you think we wouldn’t find out about that emergency call you made last night?”

“But the call wasn’t to you,” Kensi said in exasperation.

“We still found out,” Callen said.

“I have alerts set for everyone,” Eric said, as if it should have been extremely obvious.

“Well we don’t need you, everything is under control,” Deeks said.

“Doesn’t matter,” Sam said. “We’re staying.”

“Not in here you’re not,” Kensi told them.

“Oh no, of course not,” Nell said quickly. “No Eric and I will be in the Airstream.”

“And Sam and I are camping,” Callen said. “In a tent. The size of matchbox.”

“That tent has plenty of space!” Sam growled.

“Okay then, if you all don’t mind, we’d like to take a nap since we’ve been up all night,” Deeks said.

“Oh, sure of course, go right ahead,” Eric said.

Nobody left. Callen and Sam immediately dissolved into an argument about whether they were going fishing or hiking first, as Kensi and Deeks slowly made their way to the bed at the back of the RV. “I’m telling you, it doesn’t compare to the ocean,” Sam protested.

“How would you know?” Callen fired back. “Have you ever tried it? Not everything has to be a deep sea, Navy SEAL diving adventure you know.”

“I think we should hit up Glacier Point,” Nell said, studying the map Deeks had left on the table. “Ooh but the Cathedral Rocks look great too.”

“Is anybody getting a good signal out here?” Eric held his phone up high, forehead wrinkled in frustration.

Deeks looked wryly at Kensi. “Is this what it’s going to be like to have kids?”

“Probably.” She shook her head. “But when they’re actually our kids, we leave them at home with a babysitter.”


End file.
